Another Miserable day!

Last Wednesday August 22, 2012 the mother of my husband visited us after the  chaos happened between my husband and his brother with his sister in law (wife of his brother). I called his mother as nanay, I ask her about why does kuya jojo (brother of my husband) acting so immature and spoiled brats after all the blessing he has. Actually, they work at the Government Institution both of them, the wife and him, with two kids of a 3years old and 1 year and 6 months. I really don't understand why should they act that way after the goodness we shared to them. We love their kids as our own, as a matter of fact we feel sad when the kids feel sick. Why does they act so rude to us, we didn't do anything wrong against them and we never feel jealous on them even that I don't have stable job, I still think my life still go on and I could find a better place for me. I was so outrage at that time that I feel and want them to crush them into pieces, but my husband told me that I should not initiate myself to their fight, he told me I just keep myself vesture the quality I have as a decent and educated person as people look at me.All I wanted is to be at my husband side to suffrage and act as his supporter as a role of a wife.I talk to nanay I show her my how furious I am. I said offensive word which I could not control my emotion in order to express what I feel. Well I guess I have to calm down and let them think what they think, if they're mad will let them be. For me as long as they are not going to apologize we still in World War 3 and I'm not going to give up, I will fight to the end.
All I ever wanted to clear these all mess and accept their mistake and apologize to us. I feel sorry to my husband, his been nice and good to everything, I never imagine they did this. I told nanay that kuya jojo is a egocentric, megalomania and selfish asshole. Well I guess that life and we as a couple, we're going to move on and think of our future. Maybe this is the good time that we need to separate our self to them and let them be.

1st day August 21, 2012

August 20, 2012, After my duty as Private duty nurse of for a bedridden patient 2pm my husband pitch from my work and I told him that we are going to a party from a friend and he agreed with it. We went to our apartment, I rest for a while, exactly 3pm my friend send me a message that the party is started, we change clothes and then we went then. As we got there, there are few people, I think it was 15 person was there with plenty of food, the special viand there was the letson, we prayed and eat eat eat, we drink Boracay rum and  we sobber from it, I felt dizzy and my face turn to red with red spot all over my skin, I am used to it because my mother was like this when he get drunk. 8pm the party was ended, we went home with my husband. I got sleep early because I have my duty at the next day... A woke 3:30am, I take a bath, then turn on the tv and boiled some water for my coffee, I felt nauseated and my head was aching, then I watch tv, wait for the clock to turn 5:30am, I woke my husband to ride me from my work and then as we get there, I kiss my husband goodbye. As I enter the room I found my patient staring at me with an oxygen unattached to her tracheostomy drench with filthy phlegm around the tracheostomy with moderately in low fowler position, playing with her hand with restraint.. She's smiling at me as I enter the room, I found the yaya of my patient quietly sleeping at her bed, I start talking to lola and comfort her, I removed the restraint from her hand and she kept looking at me, I started her morning care, clean her inner cannula of her tracheostomy, and clean her room. I'm so happy to see my patient looking at me curiously at my face, I said to myself that I'm an effective nurse even I could not get my dream to go abroad and earn big money for my family future. I start to think that, I did lot of good things but why I'm still small.. You know what I mean, I start to ask God why I'm still here, Why I still living in a small apartment, Why I still can find a stable job.... My parents criticize me, my in laws always asking me why do I have an unstable job. I told myself maybe God had his purpose. But I still cannot blame myself of putting myself to the ground and feel pity of what I have now. I cannot blame my husband for it, maybe I could blame myself.. I don't know. I cried many times, felt jealous to others but I tried to stop it.
I could make myself smile when my patient lola kept looking at me,, I see in her look the worry and heartache I feel everytime we meet our eye, I start talking to her and make some joke on her. I see in her looks the way I take care of myself and the pain I hide inside. As I ended my duty 3pm. I went home with my husband, I change my clothes, then wash our dirty clothes.. Then I prepare merienda for us as my husband surfing on internet. I prepare for our supper. then we ate, after that I fix the table and wash the dishes.....