August 20, 2012, After my duty as Private duty nurse of for a bedridden patient 2pm my husband pitch from my work and I told him that we are going to a party from a friend and he agreed with it. We went to our apartment, I rest for a while, exactly 3pm my friend send me a message that the party is started, we change clothes and then we went then. As we got there, there are few people, I think it was 15 person was there with plenty of food, the special viand there was the letson, we prayed and eat eat eat, we drink Boracay rum and we sobber from it, I felt dizzy and my face turn to red with red spot all over my skin, I am used to it because my mother was like this when he get drunk. 8pm the party was ended, we went home with my husband. I got sleep early because I have my duty at the next day... A woke 3:30am, I take a bath, then turn on the tv and boiled some water for my coffee, I felt nauseated and my head was aching, then I watch tv, wait for the clock to turn 5:30am, I woke my husband to ride me from my work and then as we get there, I kiss my husband goodbye. As I enter the room I found my patient staring at me with an oxygen unattached to her tracheostomy drench with filthy phlegm around the tracheostomy with moderately in low fowler position, playing with her hand with restraint.. She's smiling at me as I enter the room, I found the yaya of my patient quietly sleeping at her bed, I start talking to lola and comfort her, I removed the restraint from her hand and she kept looking at me, I started her morning care, clean her inner cannula of her tracheostomy, and clean her room. I'm so happy to see my patient looking at me curiously at my face, I said to myself that I'm an effective nurse even I could not get my dream to go abroad and earn big money for my family future. I start to think that, I did lot of good things but why I'm still small.. You know what I mean, I start to ask God why I'm still here, Why I still living in a small apartment, Why I still can find a stable job.... My parents criticize me, my in laws always asking me why do I have an unstable job. I told myself maybe God had his purpose. But I still cannot blame myself of putting myself to the ground and feel pity of what I have now. I cannot blame my husband for it, maybe I could blame myself.. I don't know. I cried many times, felt jealous to others but I tried to stop it.
I could make myself smile when my patient lola kept looking at me,, I see in her look the worry and heartache I feel everytime we meet our eye, I start talking to her and make some joke on her. I see in her looks the way I take care of myself and the pain I hide inside. As I ended my duty 3pm. I went home with my husband, I change my clothes, then wash our dirty clothes.. Then I prepare merienda for us as my husband surfing on internet. I prepare for our supper. then we ate, after that I fix the table and wash the dishes.....
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