Skype with My Sister (Cha2x)

It's September 14, 2012, 10:30pm, at my sister office where she was working as clerk, there is a WIFI signal where I could use to check in for signal for my laptop, I was thinking that I should not suppose to be here, but I don't have any choice my sister force that I should be online because tomorrow she would be busy working. She is working as Medical Secretary at Abu Dhabi to help my sister Charis to pay her balance at school. I know my sister Cha2x is working hard far from us to earn income for my family. Once she told me, she wanted to go home, she miss us, but my father wanted her to stay  there to earn some income to survive for our being poor. I really don't understand my parents, I don't know, all they wanted is to have money, they don't care about what will happen to their kids.

Fortunately, this is the only way to communicate and see her in person, which help her conquer the loneliness she has. I'm happy to see her OK, talking alive and happy to see us. Almost one week we been skyping her to relieve her loneliness.

Today we been talking about business, because one day my cousin Kathy chatted me at Facebook that she wanted to have business with us, to help us earn income. I was exited that day, We were going to sell some RTW from Korea and USA, I thought she will going to ship us some RTW and allow us to find some place to display the product but it was not like that, she will going to send us picture of RTW, then where going to show the picture to our friends who want to buy, then we are going to ask our client to have an deposit of 50% of the product they choose then. we send the order to my cousin at USA, then shipment will take one month, as I've known,  I am so perplexed with the style of selling the items, All I wanted is to display the product with some place that people will see and free to choose some Items. Maybe I should try this, maybe it would work for us.

I have been waiting for my cousin to talk about this, but she is not online, I wanted to sleep because it's late at night and I'm scared outside for the people who try to do some bad things to me. I pray and I ask for Guidance to God that he would guide through all the way.

It's September 13,2012, 11:04 am here in my time, I'm watching my patient sleeping in her sick bed,while I'm doing my blogger. My wound at my lateral side of my foot was slowly healed, I put some medicine on it to prevent from infection. I also take antibiotic to make sure that my wound healed fairly without any complication, it started to reduce the swollen area, pain subside slowly, and I can slowly walk and I could also take care of my patient, I can also sleep peacefully at night without agonizing the pain. Thanks God for helping me carry the pain I carried.

What I was thinking and worried about is the problem my family carried for how many years, until now we still put our self into so much exasperating and exhausting situation. MONEY MONEY, why is it overpowering to the minds of my parents. DEBT DEBT DEBT, why are they borrowing money, all at once they could not pay for it, and we siblings carried heavy stone to pay for it. My parents pulling us down to grave to pay all these. Why? Tell me why?

We cannot move on, we cannot save for the future and we cannot help my other sibling for their needs. Why is that my parents don't understand that. I fully jealous of my friends, because their parents did not do that such things to them. Look at us now, we still crawling from mud. Sometime I could think that, does my parents care on us? Or they only think of themselves to survive, they don't care if we drown to desperation and suffering. I read some verse from the bible, it said " Suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character and character produces hope". What I meant for these that suffering help us mold stronger that will change our way of life and then made us stronger to hold on any pain we have?... I  do think and believe these, maybe they do something amazing in every human being that exist. I highlight that saying and thinking that it would work for me.

Life is so hard and pain overrule my life, I don't know how could I escaped for these. Sometime I would say I hate life and I hate my life. I hate my parents I have, I hate what they doing to us. I hope they change and realize something....

1st Degree burn at my medial right feet..

Last Sunday September 02, 2012, after we went to the church, me and my husband decided to go to Brgy. Lika, Mlang, where my husband grown up when he was young, to put some fence made of wood to our small piece of lot and to inspect the rice farm of my husband if how many more days the rice will harvested. We went there by riding with a motorcycle with 45minutes travel from Kidapawan to Mlang. The sky was not good, it was gray and a few hours the rain will start to fall that day. We were lucky, as we travel, the rain didn't start to fall. As we get there, I greeted my niece and my nephew at my mother in law house, I greeted everybody who was there, except my husband who still mad at his brother and sister in law. We started to fence the area, as we finish, me and Bon2x ( My husband) decided to go and see the rice farm my husband been procreate from his loan as a police, this is also one of our source for our daily needs. A we ride with his motorcycle together with nanay (my mother in law) we pass by a small damp hole at the center of the road, we slip at that hole and fall, me as the center of two person (my husband and my mother in law), I was left stumble together with the motorcycle, my right foot intercalate inside the turning wheel in front of the motorcycle, the engine was to hot that my right lateral foot start to hurt because of the heat spill on my foot, I was agonizing with pain, we stop, we couldn't find any house, so we still pick the motorcycle and we continue to our way going to the farm. As we get there, I just keep restraining the pain I felt that day. As Bon2x finish checking and inspecting the rice, I insist my husband that I really wanted to go home to heal the burn at my foot. We ride back at home, I wash it quickly and hastily with mild soap then rinse and then I myself pour an alcohol solution on it, I was shouted with to much pain I feel. I said to myself, I need to do this and I have to because it complicate into infection. Then I pour a large amount of betadine to help area cleanse from dirt. I rest, I elevate my right leg to prevent from swollen and imflammation. I still agonizing and crying with pain.
Until now, the burn area is still on pain , as I stand, as I walk and I as I sit, I touch the surrounding, I feel heat and redness. I Stayed in my room still and still thinking, what should I do with my foot. Still in swollen and pain. I text my husband and blame him for this.

After I wash my laundry, I perplexed if I'm going to take a bath or I just lay in bed to relieve the pain, but my intuition coarse me that I really need to take a bath to leasten the infection, as I washed the affected area, I bite my tougue to control the pain I felt. Then again, I cleanse it with alcohol and betadine, I lay on my bed, then elevate the affected leg, then crying myself to relief the pain.

Another Miserable day!

Last Wednesday August 22, 2012 the mother of my husband visited us after the  chaos happened between my husband and his brother with his sister in law (wife of his brother). I called his mother as nanay, I ask her about why does kuya jojo (brother of my husband) acting so immature and spoiled brats after all the blessing he has. Actually, they work at the Government Institution both of them, the wife and him, with two kids of a 3years old and 1 year and 6 months. I really don't understand why should they act that way after the goodness we shared to them. We love their kids as our own, as a matter of fact we feel sad when the kids feel sick. Why does they act so rude to us, we didn't do anything wrong against them and we never feel jealous on them even that I don't have stable job, I still think my life still go on and I could find a better place for me. I was so outrage at that time that I feel and want them to crush them into pieces, but my husband told me that I should not initiate myself to their fight, he told me I just keep myself vesture the quality I have as a decent and educated person as people look at me.All I wanted is to be at my husband side to suffrage and act as his supporter as a role of a wife.I talk to nanay I show her my how furious I am. I said offensive word which I could not control my emotion in order to express what I feel. Well I guess I have to calm down and let them think what they think, if they're mad will let them be. For me as long as they are not going to apologize we still in World War 3 and I'm not going to give up, I will fight to the end.
All I ever wanted to clear these all mess and accept their mistake and apologize to us. I feel sorry to my husband, his been nice and good to everything, I never imagine they did this. I told nanay that kuya jojo is a egocentric, megalomania and selfish asshole. Well I guess that life and we as a couple, we're going to move on and think of our future. Maybe this is the good time that we need to separate our self to them and let them be.

1st day August 21, 2012

August 20, 2012, After my duty as Private duty nurse of for a bedridden patient 2pm my husband pitch from my work and I told him that we are going to a party from a friend and he agreed with it. We went to our apartment, I rest for a while, exactly 3pm my friend send me a message that the party is started, we change clothes and then we went then. As we got there, there are few people, I think it was 15 person was there with plenty of food, the special viand there was the letson, we prayed and eat eat eat, we drink Boracay rum and  we sobber from it, I felt dizzy and my face turn to red with red spot all over my skin, I am used to it because my mother was like this when he get drunk. 8pm the party was ended, we went home with my husband. I got sleep early because I have my duty at the next day... A woke 3:30am, I take a bath, then turn on the tv and boiled some water for my coffee, I felt nauseated and my head was aching, then I watch tv, wait for the clock to turn 5:30am, I woke my husband to ride me from my work and then as we get there, I kiss my husband goodbye. As I enter the room I found my patient staring at me with an oxygen unattached to her tracheostomy drench with filthy phlegm around the tracheostomy with moderately in low fowler position, playing with her hand with restraint.. She's smiling at me as I enter the room, I found the yaya of my patient quietly sleeping at her bed, I start talking to lola and comfort her, I removed the restraint from her hand and she kept looking at me, I started her morning care, clean her inner cannula of her tracheostomy, and clean her room. I'm so happy to see my patient looking at me curiously at my face, I said to myself that I'm an effective nurse even I could not get my dream to go abroad and earn big money for my family future. I start to think that, I did lot of good things but why I'm still small.. You know what I mean, I start to ask God why I'm still here, Why I still living in a small apartment, Why I still can find a stable job.... My parents criticize me, my in laws always asking me why do I have an unstable job. I told myself maybe God had his purpose. But I still cannot blame myself of putting myself to the ground and feel pity of what I have now. I cannot blame my husband for it, maybe I could blame myself.. I don't know. I cried many times, felt jealous to others but I tried to stop it.
I could make myself smile when my patient lola kept looking at me,, I see in her look the worry and heartache I feel everytime we meet our eye, I start talking to her and make some joke on her. I see in her looks the way I take care of myself and the pain I hide inside. As I ended my duty 3pm. I went home with my husband, I change my clothes, then wash our dirty clothes.. Then I prepare merienda for us as my husband surfing on internet. I prepare for our supper. then we ate, after that I fix the table and wash the dishes.....